YIPES! The daunting task of telling the children about our engagement loomed.
We knew that we would tell them our news first. After all, our decision to spend our lives together meant that they would spend their lives together, too. We just hadn’t quite identified the best way to actually break the news.
John and I knew we had options. Driving around Prairie Village, where we had hoped to settle once we got married, we talked over some of them, envisioning the kids sitting side-by-side on a couch. Which couch? Didn’t matter. We had nine!
Thoughts of distracting the four of them with a new puppy crossed our minds. Perhaps it would go something like this:
“Look kids! A puppy!” John says as an adorable golden lab frolics into the room.
“Oh, how cute! Whose dog is that?” Molly, John’s 15-year-old, says while approaching it with her hand properly outstretched, palm-side down, so that the puppy understands she is not a threat.
“Our dog,” I say.
“Huh!?!” They all utter as they quickly look up at us … the gears beginning to turn in their brains.
Cautiously, but bravely, my 12-year-old, Joshua, asks, “Where’s it gonna’ live?”
John and I look at one another … trying not to give anything away. “With us,” I say, “All of us.”
All eight eyeballs grow wide with understanding.
“We’re getting married!” John announces. “Yeah!”
Silence … then a barrage of questions, wailing and gnashing of teeth, and emphatic statements.
“It’s about time!” Joshua will shout. He just wants the upheaval and transitions in his life to end.
“Oh my God, I hate my life!” Molly will exclaim as copious tears stream down her face. Her father will hand her the box of tissues that he previously stashed behind the couch in anticipation. She has dreaded this announcement because she fears how it will change her life and her relationships with her family.
Jonah, my 15-year-old son, will say, “I’m not moving … You can’t make me! If I don’t get to graduate from my high school, then I’ll move in with Dad!” Right … unfortunately his Dad doesn’t live in his district, so that would be said for effect only.
“Seriously!?! This sucks!” John’s 13-year-old son, Matthew, will say. “Don’t you see that you are wrecking our family?” He just wants to protect his sister. Solidarity is the key. His heart is in the right place.
Honestly, how would you respond to all of that?
“Well, thanks for weighing in … Our first family meeting with be tomorrow evening at Danny’s Bar and Grill. We’re headed out to celebrate with some dear friends who are legitimately excited for us. Here’s some money for pizza. Talk amongst yourselves and figure out what questions you need and want to ask at tomorrow’s meeting … and don’t forget to potty train the dog.”
Perhaps not the best plan. While we set that one aside, we did know one thing for sure: The kids relationships and memories would always be nurtured and shared, not squelched.